My name is Erin McCrea. I’m a Momma, a pet Momma, and a writer. I had my first baby at age 35 in May of 2016. Becoming a mom was the scariest thing I’ve ever done, and I have loved every moment of it. I blog at http://erinisawriter.blogspot.ca/, but haven’t done a lot since Anthony arrived. It’s my goal to be a consistent Writing Mom by the time his birthday arrives. I’m shy, caring, weird, bossy, and I try to be happy every day. My baby helps with that.
You Are A Good Mom – You’re doing a good job
I have been a Mom for the quickest 10 and a half months ever. Some days, I feel like I’ve got it all figured out. Most days, I don’t.
I noticed something within the first few months of my baby being in my life: I didn’t get a lot of positive comments about how I was doing. I wasn’t insulted. I never felt like I was judged. (Well, not very often). I certainly didn’t think people needed to tell me I was doing a good job.
It would have been nice though.
I can think of many moments when it would have helped with the insecurities of mom life. A lot of people (in my life) tend to joke about things. I do too. Unfortunately, being a new Mom with lack of sleep, instead of being able to laugh at the jokes, I let them bother me. Sometimes I said it out loud, sometimes I didn’t.
It’s a little different now. I have more confidence in myself. I know I’m doing everything I can. If I feel like I need to do more, I do it. Being a good Mom is pretty important, and I feel I am good at it. (That being said, I’m still new, and still learning so much.)
Back then? I didn’t have the confidence. I was unsure of almost everything.
In fact, as I write this, I wonder if people did encourage me, but I didn’t hear it. I was too busy worrying about what I was doing, and what choices I was making, that I didn’t have time to take credit for things when they were given to me. Or to take the encouragement.
I think when they did give me positives, I just heard the negative. Sometimes they come together. If I had it to do over, I would grab hold of every positive thought or comment, and learn from it.
I’ve read a lot of blogs/books about what to do when somebody has a baby. A list of things they need before somebody comes to visit. I have rolled my eyes because I think if somebody took the time to come visit, that’s good enough. (Although, I liked getting lots of notice.) However, if I were to add something to the list, it wouldn’t be food, or house cleaning, it would be encouragement. When you are holding a new baby for the first time while visiting, make sure to let the Mom (or the Dad) know they’re doing a good job. Even though they may be so tired they can’t get a coherent sentence out.
I remember crying when a nurse came to visit. Because it was hard. She didn’t take the tears as a negative thing. She knew that tears and anxiety come with being a Mom.
Even months down the road of parenting, instead of telling a Mom what they could be doing to make their baby happier, tell them they are doing a good job. Instead of joking that they’re making a baby cry (I heard that one more than once), tell them they are doing a good job. Tell them they are a good Mom.
It means the world. At least it did to me. I had a friend give me a card for my birthday that said “You’re a good Mom.” I almost cried. It was the best present I could have asked for.
A lot of people give advice about parenting. They’ve gone through it. Advice is always good, but sometimes, you just want to hear what you are doing at that very moment is the right thing.
As I write this, I’m trying to remember if I’ve made sure to let my Mommy friends know how unbelievably awesome they are. Because they are.
All this being said, I think the person who needs to know you’re doing a good job and to tell you that you are doing a good job, is you.
I need to remind myself that even though I hear something negative from others, I am doing the best I can, and my son is happy. I need to know when I feel upset about something I didn’t do right, that I AM still a good Mom, and I AM still doing a good job. If I know it, I don’t really need to hear it from anybody else. (Although it’s nice to hear it.)
Through the tears (mine and his), the mischief, the messes, I just have to keep reminding myself that I am an awesome Momma. I assume, the more I do it, the better I’ll get. If I’m confident, the whole house will be happier, and the stress level goes down.
As a side note, maybe the person that is reading this never felt any of these things. Maybe you’ve felt that people are encouraging, and you know you are doing a good job. That’s awesome. I hope everyone feels like that. Just in case you don’t though, please remember – You ARE doing a good job.
Or maybe you’ve done nothing but tell other Mom’s they are awesome. I know people like you, and want to be just like you. Thank you.