Four years ago my ex-husband and I decided that the best way to move forward was to go in separate directions. The decision to separate is never easy and of course has affects on the children involved. My youngest was only four and when we broke the news to him, he wasn’t really affected and kept playing with his ball. To this day he is coping well and understands to the best of his ability. He never asks if we are getting back together but occasionally will remind me that when he is with his dad he misses me and when he is with me, he misses his dad.
My oldest was six and this was a very different story. Right away she asked me, why don’t you love daddy anymore? Why do you want to do this? I want us to live together she shouted at me. She directed everything at me, not him. Unfortunately, to this day she still struggles with it. Four years later and she still has a difficult time. She still tells me she wishes we were together. She still cries at drop offs and pick ups if we have to do them together.
For a very long time my ex and I had a very strained relationship that the kids could feel. We sat on opposite sides of soccer fields, hockey arenas, dance classes, etc. Slowly as time went on we began to become “friends”. We could ride in the same car together to attend events. We would talk on the phone about issues, instead of texting each other. This seemed to impact her just as much. As if it provided a false hope that we were getting back together. I have done everything from having soft conversations with her to simply stating….we are never getting back together.
We have decided she needs to speak to someone. To help her get over this issue and accept life as it is. I want her to know it is okay to talk to someone. That it doesn’t make you weird or different and that it helps you become the best you. I am helping her the best way possible. I don’t want this to continue to impact her. We tried counseling before and she struggled with it. So like any good parent we took her out hoping she had learned enough to cope. She had not.
My next blog will be all about introducing someone new…….