After my ex and I separated I made myself a promise that I would not introduce anyone to my children until we were together at least 6 months. I didn’t think they should met until I knew that this person was going to be around for some time. My daughter had made it very clear that I was not allowed to have a boyfriend. I worried about how I would do this when the time came. So me being me, I created a plan. Step one…meet someone I liked lol. Step 2 make sure that this was a relationship I could see around for some time. Step 3 introduce him as my friend to my children. Step 4 allow at least 2 months as just my friend before saying anything more. Step 5 use the big scary word “boyfriend” to my children.
When I met my boyfriend that plan went out the window. We just hit it off, got along so well and I knew almost immediately that he was a keeper. He met my children as my friend but very shortly after I had the big scary talk. My son was so cool with everything. My daughter on the other hand was not. She was worried that this would change her relationship with me and her father. I explained to her that nothing would change. I didn’t realize in that moment that I had lied to her. I knew that I meant I wouldn’t love her less, her father wouldn’t and that life would go on. I didn’t think about it from her side…now I won’t always have my mom to herself, I will have to share her, there will be someone there with us for dinner, what if I don’t like him, what if I do like him. I never realized that by her liking my boyfriend would come with guilt. Is she allowed to like another man while she loved her father.
We have had lots of conversations and I have watched her relationship with him grow stronger. I have also seen her struggling wanting our “old” life back. My only advice in this situation is to do what you think is best. There will never be a perfect time so chose the right time for you. Children are amazing and resilient. While I know that this hasn’t been easy, I do know that it has been good. My children need to see a loving, happy normal relationship. That also includes arguments. Children need to see honest and real and be helped through it. Sometimes life can be challenging but as long as what you are doing is worth it….you win