15 years ago today I embarked on the most exciting and terrifying journey of my life, becoming a mother for the first time. After 9 months of pregnancy I thought I was truly prepared for what was ahead of me. In hind sight I’m not sure we are ever fully prepared for this momentous journey. No matter how young or how old you are, words can not prepare you for the heart stopping, breath taking, all encompassing love that is felt when you hold your little baby for the first time. I’ve never felt so much joy in my entire life. Those precious few hours when you are getting to know each other without the worry of feeding or bathing or schedules or any of the concerns that come in the following days – are pure magic. Like a dream come true. You are in a bubble of happiness that nothing can break. Your body is traumatized but in those few magical hours it doesn’t matter. It’s euphoria. Intense happiness. Love.
I have my son to thank for where I am today. He saved me. He came along at a time in my life when I feel like I needed him almost as much as he needed me. We’ve grown up together and I am a better person because of him.
And as for my son, I couldn’t be more proud of the man he’s becoming. He’s caring, kindhearted, empathic and generous. He puts other people’s needs in front of his own and he genuinely cares about me and his family. I raised him to be a good man, a pro feminist and passionate about what he cares about. He’s a good friend and a good person. It doesn’t matter how old you are when you have kids, what matters most is the love you show them and the life you give them.
Happy Birthday to my first love, Nathaniel.