I escaped. Literally. New Years Day. I got in my car and drove away. From my house, my kids, and my responsibilities. I was gone for a few glorious days. GLORIOUS.
Ok, rewind the tape. The weeks leading up to Christmas were a gong show. A fucking gong show. I can’t even fully explain why. They were busy and hectic and emotional and as crazy as ever. But this year, I felt it more than ever before. So on December 27th I decided I was leaving for a few days. I didn’t ask anyone. I just decided on my own. I needed to get away. I needed to rest. I needed to write, to eat, to drink, to sleep and to think. I needed to be with myself. I needed to check in with myself. I needed to remind myself of who I am and what makes me happy.
I figured out babysitting and schedules. I did every single piece of laundry in the house. I got groceries. I put away all the christmas decorations (god forbid I come home to all that crap) I organized the shit out of my house. I packed daycare bags. I washed snowsuits. All so I could leave without feeling guilty. Of course I still felt guilty for a moment. But that soon passed. I knew I did everything I could before I left.
What did I learn while I was gone(?) I need time to be with myself. As a person. Not as a mom. And not just a night out with my friends. I needed, time. I need to schedule these grown up escapes on the regular. Like once every 3-6 months. A night or two. It doesn’t make me a bad mom. In fact, it makes me a better mom. I was so happy to see my kids faces today I almost cried when I saw them. Instead, I hugged them and held on as tight as I could for as long as they would let me. It felt so good in my heart. Tonight, as they all sleep, I feel at peace. I feel rested and ready for tomorrow. And not because I have to get up but because I want to get up. I can’t wait to get up and make them breakfast. I can’t wait to sit with them and chat about the day. I know the stress of it all will come back. But at least I know I can have time to myself when I need it. They will all survive without me for a few days.
I encourage you all to try it. Step away. For a moment, an hour, a day, a week. Something. You will feel the greatest joy upon your return. I can promise you that. I can promise you, you wont regret it. You will feel charged, you will feel happy and rested. You will feel yourself. Connect with yourself and what makes you happy outside of being a mom. Just try it. I love being a mom but I love myself too. And this year, I’m not taking the backseat. I’m riding up front and I can’t wait.