I’m Autumn Wolf, a mom of two boys, Silas and Theo. I have been married for five years and am also a dog mom to my wiener dog, Rigby. I have my Bachelor’s degree in Human Justice and I work for the Ministry of Justice but am currently on maternity leave. I love cooking, wine, sushi and reading. Being a mom is a huge part of who I am and I am grateful to share my thoughts and opinions on all things motherhood with other wonderful moms.
My husband and I were very surprised the first time I got pregnant. I generally don’t like surprises but for obvious reasons, this was different. We were excited and anxious and panicking all at once. We had been married for almost a year so it was a welcome surprise and something that we discussed often.
The next surprise was finding out what we were having at a small gender reveal with my family. The balloons flew out of a box and surprise! Blue balloons! We were having a boy. I didn’t find this overly surprising because deep down I knew I was carrying a baby boy.
Fast forward two years and surprise! (although less of a surprise the second go around).. I was pregnant again. I wanted to find out the sex of the baby at the twenty-week ultrasound, but my husband (surprisingly) insisted we do another gender reveal. The results were again sealed in an envelope and handed off to a stranger.
This time, we popped a balloon in front of both of our families, and surprise! Blue confetti! ANOTHER boy. Once again, I wasn’t overly surprised, because I had that same gut feeling that I was carrying a baby boy. We were thrilled. My oldest son was getting a baby brother and I couldn’t contain my tears of joy.
Unfortunately, the joy quickly began to fade when people found out we were having another boy. Rather than excitement or congratulations, people began to comment things like “oh another boy, you’ll have to try again for a girl” and there were other comments that hinted that my life just wouldn’t be as great without both a son and a daughter. Co-workers, friends, family and even my OBGYN made a lot of unnecessary comments, as though I actually had some control over whether my child would be born a boy or a girl.
I began to wonder, is there an unwritten rule that having two children of the same sex makes your family less than perfect? I’ve heard the term “million dollar family” before, but why is my family anything less just because my children are the same sex? The sex of your baby is out of your control, so why do people care so much?
Disappointment slowly crept in. I began to feel like I didn’t have the perfect family. I began to feel like my life would be incomplete without a daughter, like there would be something missing from my life. I even had them show me he was a boy at our next ultrasound because I was convinced that maybe we should be having a girl.
When my husband and I first discussed having children we always talked about having sons. I pictured myself as a boy mom. Initially I felt excited when finding out both of our babies were boys so why did I suddenly feel differently?
I had a reality check when a colleague of mine lost her son in a tragic accident. We were talking about how things people say to you can begin to make you feel, act and think a certain way. I had my aha-moment during that discussion. My aha-moment was that I wasn’t even remotely disappointed that I was having another son. I only thought I was disappointed because other people influenced me to feel, act and think that way.
Sure I’ll always wonder what my daughter might have looked like; if she would have followed in my footsteps and been a basketball player or if she would have been the complete opposite of me and had a knack for the arts. But I don’t ever for a second take for granted the fact that I have the privilege of raising two boys into men. And who knows, maybe someday we will grow our family and we will have a daughter. Or maybe we’ll be lucky enough to have ANOTHER boy.