Hi, I’m Cierra and I was born and raised right here in Saskatoon. I am a brand new mom to a beautiful baby girl, a loving wife, budding entrepreneur, and lover of all things girly. I believe that life is exactly what you make it, love conquers all, and to never stop learning. I love coffee, make-up, home décor, DIYing and reality TV (guilty pleasure okay!). Through my posts on the blog, I hope to tell a story and speak on topics that people can relate to, even if they aren’t widely talked about or discussed. Since I am a brand new mom, every day is something new for me. So let’s learn together and build each other up, because let’s face it, this mom thing is hard and we need all the help we can get! To continue keeping up with me off the blog, follow me on Instagram @Ciierrajade.
We have all heard the phrases ‘Just you wait until your dad gets home’, and ‘Mom, what’s for supper?’. The roles of how mothers and fathers are ‘supposed’ to act have been relatively the same for the past 100+ years. Fathers were the disciplinarians, the providers, and the overall decision makers. Mothers were seen as the nurtures, the caregivers, and homemakers. While we still see plenty of these traditional roles today – society is evolving and we are starting to see moms and dads share these roles.
In our household I was the primary breadwinner for most of our life together up until I went on MAT leave, and that was just FINE with me! I enjoy working, and having a purpose outside of the home. My husband LOVES to cook, and is excellent at it! Me on the other hand, not so much. When it comes to our daughter, we each give 110%. We both change the diapers, we take turns getting up in the night with her, my husband picks out just as cute of outfits as I do for her and so on.
We see so many families and households that still run the traditional way of dad working and mom taking care of the home. I personally have seen in relationships around me and even in my own, how when we define roles like that so cut and dry, we start to feel resentment for the other person. We sometimes think we are not appreciated enough, we don’t have enough help, and it wears on our relationship.
Studies have shown* that children who have their fathers highly involved in their life, have greater perseverance, lower rates of depression, and are 43% more likely to excel in school. Dads are JUST as important as moms, and sometimes, maybe even more. Behavior problems, delinquency, depression, substance abuse and overall psychological adjustment are all more closely linked to dad’s rejection than mom’s. On the other hand, dad’s love is sometimes a stronger influence for children than mom’s. Research has found** that when kids know that they are loved by their fathers, it is a better predictor of young adults’ sense of well-being of happiness, of life satisfaction than knowing about the extent to which they feel loved by their mothers.
Some men have expressed the concern that they feel ‘un-manly’ changing diapers, helping around the house, or even earning less money then their partner. Women have completely squashed those concerns by saying they are actually more attracted to their partner when they see them being great caregivers and helping around the home. It gives mama that time to breathe and enjoy a glass of wine every once in awhile!
Now, some of these lifestyles may not work for you. One spouse may work away often and cannot be there for all those physical caregiving duties, BUT we are in 2017 and with the gift of technology such as FaceTime and Skype, parents can be more involved in their kid’s lives even when they cannot physically be there.
At the end of the day we need to do what’s best for us and our family, and if that means sticking to more of those traditional gender roles in relationships and parenting, then that’s what you should do! But do try to step outside of the box, you never know what small change could make a huge impact on your family and its future!
*The Study of Fatherhood: Why Dads Matter
** Personality and Social Psychology Review (journal)