My name is Erin. I’m a toddler mom and a pup mom. I had my son in May of 2016. Becoming a mom was the scariest thing I’ve ever done, and I have loved every moment of it. I am a stay at home writing mom. I write everyday after my son goes to bed. My partner occasionally works away from home. When he’s home, we spend as much family time together as possible, and when he’s gone, I practice my Solo Mom Life. Life isn’t always easy, but I try to be as grateful as I can. My son helps with that. You can find my blog at thewritingmomma.ca or follow me on Instagram and Facebook at thewritingmommalife
One of my very first Mommy Connection posts was about being One and Done. That was about two years ago. For a while since then, I’ve been One and Done? With a definite question mark.
After my son turned two, I started missing the baby he used to be. I love watching him learn new things, and explore life, but I missed having a baby to hold and cuddle. I knew I could be happy with two (although probably extremely stressed). My son is busy, and I always have one eye on him because I never know what he’s going to get into, or what kid he’s going to run into full force. Even with my busy and crazy kid, I started thinking that a new baby to love would be nice.
I’m not sure if I’ve discussed my age in my posts or not, but I’m 38. I’ll be 39 in September. The last pregnancy wasn’t easy on me, but I made it, and loved half of it. It could have been harder. I know I could have another baby, but I do know that the older I get, the more risks there are. Ultimately, I won’t let my age be the deciding factor, but it is a factor.
I’ve discussed it with my partner, and his concern is that he’s away from work a lot, and he already hates how much time he’s missed with our son. Once again, this wouldn’t be the deciding factor, but it is a factor.
I’ve been on and off about the decision for months. I’ve discussed it at length with my partner, but we hadn’t made a decision yet. There were many points for stopping at one, and for having more than one.
At the start of the year, I made my decision. I looked at my son with all the love I have for him, and I realised that I’m happy with my one. If I don’t have another child, I’m okay with that because I already have an amazing boy that I never really imagined my life with until he was there. Being a momma is a privilege, and I am privileged to be his.
Here’s the moment where people point out to me that all these points are selfish, and if I really wanted to be a good mom, I’d give my son a sibling.
“You don’t want him to grow up weird.”
“You don’t want him to be lonely.”
These are both things that have been said to me. Even in my own doctor’s office.
Do people have a right to comment on my decisions? As every mother knows from any parenting decision they’ve made, people one hundred percent think they do.
I don’t need to give anybody a reason for wanting to have one child, and nobody who has the nerve to say these things really cares about the answer. But here it is: my son most likely is going to be weird. But that’s not because he’s an only child. It’s because I’m raising him to not care what others think about it. He may very well be weird. I’m also pretty weird. We embrace the weird in this house.
Second: lonely? No. He has friends, he has his parents, he has his dog. He loves people. Being an only child isn’t going to change that. At times, I love having breaks from people. If he wants that, it won’t be because he’s lonely. He won’t have that ‘friend for life’ people keep talking about when they speak about siblings. He’ll have friends though, and he’ll be okay. I have had a few parents tell me that their kids did not grow up close even though that was their hope. That being said, my sister is one of my best friends. My son is lucky to have a few friends that he’s known almost since birth. He won’t be lonely. (Well, everybody is lonely someday, but he won’t be lonely because of my very selfish decision to not have a second child.)
This is probably what I wrote in the very first one, but I guess my reasons for being done at one are different now. In the past year of second guessing my decision to have one, I don’t feel like I need a reason. I know in my heart that I am happy and content with my life and my decision to just have one kid. I will miss the baby cuddles, and watching a new one learn new things like crawling and walking, but I get to continue watching my son learn new things everyday. I can watch his amazement as he sees the world.
I’m at peace with my decision.