My name is Erin McCrea. I’m a Momma, a pet Momma, and a writer. I had my first baby at age 35 in May of 2016. Becoming a mom was the scariest thing I’ve ever done, and I have loved every moment of it. I blog at http://erinisawriter.blogspot.ca/, but haven’t done a lot since Anthony arrived. It’s my goal to be a consistent Writing Mom by the time his birthday arrives. I’m shy, caring, weird, bossy, and I try to be happy every day. My baby helps with that.
I don’t know how this happened, but I have somehow been a Mom for a year. My little man turns one on May 18th. (I’m writing this right before his birthday, but it will be posted the day after he turns one.)
A year ago today, I was preparing myself for motherhood. I was trying to convince myself that it wouldn’t be as scary as I thought. (It’s always going to be a little bit scary). I was trying to convince myself that I would be a good Mom.
He was born two days later. I was induced because of gestational diabetes, and after about 17-20 hours of labour I was taken in for an emergency c-section. My son was born at 7:24 pm. He was put into my shaky arms shortly after.
It wasn’t until we were in our hospital room (home for the next few days), and the nurse said good night that I realized I had NO idea what I was doing. Luckily she came back to help with crying babies and feeding.
As I write this, I am amazed that I made it through an entire year, with little to no knowledge of babies or children. Google is a modern mothers best friend. Or my best friend. The only advice I remember from the nurses before we left the hospital was to make sure his penis was pointed down or he’d soak through the diaper. It’s actually really good advice.
Although, I still had a lot of fear and worry about how I’d be as a momma, to be perfectly honest, in the first two months, I was too exhausted to really be concerned. It was basically one hour at a time. Sleep, eat, and possibly play. That was our life. My brain didn’t really give me time to worry about whether I was already screwing up or not.
Somehow, I did it. I made it through 12 months of parenting, and at some point, I became more confident with my parenting skills.
My little boy knows he can come to me when he’s hurt, he knows he can snuggle with me when he’s sad, he knows I’ll laugh with him when he’s happy. 12 months later, and I’m completely happy with the past year.
I’m ridiculously happy with it, but I’m also trying to figure out how it happened so quickly. It feels like just yesterday we were trying to get him to nurse. Or just yesterday was the first time he peed on us while trying to change him. It feels like just yesterday we were celebrating his first smile, his first laughs, the first time he rolled over.
All of these milestones add up to a year of Anthony. Luckily for me, there are so many more to look forward to. (More milestones and more years.)
I’ve never been one of those women who believed she was born to be a mother, and I also believe if I wasn’t a mom, I’d still be pretty happy. I’d still know how to love.
That being said, I’m happy I got to be Anthony’s Mom. I’m glad I had this absolutely amazing year. I’m glad my adventures will include a handsome little man.
I know how lucky I am, and I’m so grateful to have this unique and wonderful little boy in my life.
I’m trying not to be sad that he’s going to be a year. I’d rather look forward to everything to come, but it’s hard not to look back at the year and wonder where it all went. Time is going so quickly, and I’m ready for it to slow down.
I’m also ready for more laughs, more giggles, more adventures, and more milestones. I can’t wait to see him take his first steps, learn more words (he’s got Momma and Dada figured out). I also can’t wait for him to be potty trained. However, that’s yet another thing I know NOTHING about. My best friend google will be right next to me through it all, I’m sure.
Although I still know nothing about what’s to come, I have learned that trusting my instincts is so important. Trusting that I am a good Mom, and I am doing a good job is also important.
It’s been one of the best years of my life, and I wouldn’t change any of it. My partner and I have learned so much, and still, a year later, we find ourselves looking at our baby in awe. We made him. We made it through the year. We love this crazy kid with all our hearts.
I’m so full of gratitude lately. It’s been quite the year, and I’m ready for the next one.